Timothy and Renata's new baby, Owen

Hello~

Better late than never, I always say! Here's a post.



owen and new best friend


Timothy and Renata McNeely had a baby: Owen!

[Tim and I go way back as buddies from TWU. Oh, and I crashed his wedding. Renata I know mostly by repute; our mutual friends all raved about her, and so though I wasn't at TWU while Timothy and Renata were dating I was able to be thrilled for him from a distance. Someday, hopefully, they will be in the Pacific Northwest again and Ian and I can visit them or have them stay...I'll have to look up an E-how on 'Babyproofing Your Apartment'!]

You can see more pictures of them in Scotland, and Owen as he grows, on their Flickr site, which I have listed under "Links".

Here are the first pictures, including Owen with his birth present from me, an alien bunny, handmade out of a recycled cashmere sweater. [And we all say "YAY, for local artists!"]

Also, I have included ere is Timothy's and my discussion about what parenthood means to him and Renata:



depression-era boxer


Suzanne: Are you getting any hints as to what Owen's personality is like yet? My mom says she knew I was a strongwilled kid the night she brought me home and I screamed and screamed just because I was MAD that I was all alone and I wanted to be with them.

Timothy: Sleep. We actually sleep. Owen is just awesome for only getting up about once in the night, feeding, and heading right back down again to sleep. Now and again he does stay up longer, or fuss just a bit too much, but mostly he sleeps, so we sleep. It's great, and certainly not the only way it could have gone. But if I'd have to guess Owen's personality right now, I'd like to guess, with the evidence at hand, that he's pretty easy-going like his mom, and thus he sleeps very contentedly. He's regular as clockwork so far, being up every four hours or so -- five in the night -- with a 20 min feed, an hour or so awake, and two and a half hours plus of sleep again. Great great baby.



sleeping


Suzanne: Well, your impressions on --good Lord--"Fatherhood" would be something else. Or heck, just "Parenthood." What a fascinating and incomprehensible state, to my mind. Adulthood has utterly, completely, arrived.
One thing about parenthood that alarms me slightly is how you will never sleep as soundly again. You know what I mean. To generalize, I think that when you get married, you realize that this person is the one, the only one, that you are wholly and utterly unprepared to lose. Losing a parent--sad but probably inevitable. Losing a sibling--really tragic. Of course. But still not like losing the best friend you talk to everyday who knows you better than anyone. To be really cliche, I think for most of us being married means knowing, if all the people you loved were drowning, who you would try to rescue first.
And then--a kid. Someone you love in a way that is, while different, as powerful as what you feel for your spouse. Someone who will one day have to be prepared to lose you, but someone you desperately hope you would never be prepared to lose. Divided loyalties on that whole 'everybody's drowning!" thing. And so often, it's just sudden. People talk about seeing their kid for the first time and just falling in love. It's so risky. (So much more can devastate you. I know I'm not ready for it at all!) But then of course there's the 'being in love' thing, the 'deliriously happy thing', the 'I'm so thankful I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world!"

So this is what I've heard/read/surmised about parenthood. What's Your take on it?

Timothy: As you said, I fell in love with him right away -- but could you really see me doing anything else. I mean, he came out, and I jumped up and down, and just began crying because I loved him and Renata so much -- not blubbering, by the way, just crying. I actually really like your drowning metaphor (may it always remain so), and I think it works like this with a baby: because each of you love each other and would likely try to save each other drowning, and because you'd certainly also try to save the kid, out of mutual love, you save who you both love (the kid) first, as an act of love to each other, and a part of the vow that, while on one level, your marriage is prior to the child, the helpless one comes first. Honestly, and I don't think I could have said this before knowing him, I'd save Owen first, and it'd absolutely break my heart, but it'd be the right choice -- and the same would go if Renata had to choose, I think. It's weird, really, but I think that choice is made as soon as they come into the world -- just as the choice of spouse first is made when you marry. All this, and yet I'm a really strong believer that the marriage relationship has to take priority in the family -- if the marriage doesn't work, the rest ain't got a chance. Yet I'd save the kid first. Back to the personality thing, Owen is either easy-going and yet strongly practical like his mom, or he's got a veneer of easy-goingness because he's actually like me: easy-going if everything's going my way, most of which it is in his case. I think we'll just have to wait and see. As to the parenting thing in general, you can't beat it. It's really really cool, and yet it's really really tiring -- even with a good baby (you're just putting out so much love it can be sapping) -- and really really strangely rewarding (even when the kid can't hardly smile in thanks yet). I recommend it. I am totally in love with Owen and can't imagine life without him. The rest I'm still processing.



the proud parents


Suzanne: How is Renata feeling, post-birth? Always nice to hear a contemporary speak on this issue.

Timothy: Renata is doing great. She's just so happy to be with the little one and have him and enjoys almost every minute of it -- the occasional crying, however occasional, does take some patience. She is a really content mom, I think.